Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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