It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
