YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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