ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
