TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
