he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
