You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
