RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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