there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
