Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
