i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
