Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize