I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
