I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
