fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
