He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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