I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
