chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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