OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
