Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
