dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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