hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
