Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
