Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
