I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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