my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
