If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
