I heard we made out
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
