She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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