Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
is wine microwaveable?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
