he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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