my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Your cock deserves a montage
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
