Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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