sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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