It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
