Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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