you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize