I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
