If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
