Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
