Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
