last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
