How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
