I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
