Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
