I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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