We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
pop tarts are not kleenex
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
my poor anus
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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