We won't sleep together?
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
