bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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