I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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