wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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