my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
