apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
