The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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