i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
