my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
