Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
