I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
it glows. i had to have it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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