Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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