Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
