Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
