how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize