Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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