I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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