Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
