i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
